Wow. A new post so soon!

Today is a red letter day.  By that I mean that God smacked me  again and beamed me over the head.  That is how my relationship with the Divine is:  I get thunked on the head a lot.  Here's the story: I have a cold.  I overslept my doctor's appointment and generally felt cruddy this morning.  So, I decided to go with it for once.  I have had a slow day.  Samuel brought a friend home from school and Hannah Beth went home with another girl.  I've just been hanging out.
So, the phone rang and it was the United healthcare nurse calling again.  They call me once a month to check on me and once I got over my general suspicion that the insurance industry could have anything positive to say, I started talking with them.  It is never the same lady but is always a registered nurse.  I asked her some questions today and she said something that had not sunk in before.  What I have, the overlap connective tissue disease: It's lupus.  I have not given it that name.  Naming it helps somehow.  It means owning it, I guess.  It isn't classic lupus so I had not given it that name.  I was still telling myself that it was something less serious and that I did not have anything "like that."  But, you know, I do.  It feels like coming out of the closet with something.  I have lupus.  There.  I said it.
It makes me feel somehow empowered.  I can name it and own it and ultimately it will not speak for me.  I am more than a disease.  I am a person with a disease that is sometimes bad and can kill you earlier than you want to be killed.  But, it does not define me.  It does not have to.  Somehow there is a difference.  Somehow God created me and I am diseased and imperfect and I'm here anyway.  And I will suffer.  I will make decisions other people don't have to make.  But it's okay.
Hi, I'm Katie and I have lupus.  And I'm a mom.  And a teacher.  And a writer.  And a damned good lover and wife.  I am so much more than the disease can name.
I won't ever get back to "normal" whatever that was.  I will always have this disease.  But I'll be damned if it will have me.
With God on my side and the knowledge that I am my own best friend and cheerleader, I think I can do this thing.  At least, I can do it today.  And that's enough.  That is, after all, all I have. Or you have.  Or any of us have.   I am Katie with lupus but still Katie.  And nothing can change that.