I hope you DANCE...

Good grief.  I have been attacked by an Ohrwurm today (ear worm... a song that keeps repeating).
  I am afraid it is Leann Womack's "I hope you dance."
I even watched the Little Mermaid and her preteen daughter version on YouTube.  Gawd: help me.
But, I know where it came from..besides the radio.  It played on my way to see my friend the therapist.  I know her well because she and her husband got Hannah Beth through the hell of puberty.

We have a lot in common with them.  He is an old German whose grandparents were ranch owners in Spring Branch.  They also love all things New Mexico and dog:)




Unfortunately for us and fortunately for them, they are retiring in a couple of months and moving to the promised land (NM).
Anyway, I digress.
I talked about my mom.   I cried a lot.  It was good and exhausting.  The damn song made me think of all the generations of women in my line whom I love.  In particular, it sounded like my mama singing that to me. In turn, I want all those things for my Hannah Beth.  Feeling things is so damned hard.  But, I'm gonna dance.  I am going to teach Hannah Beth to dance the best I can.  And every time I let go and wallow in the wonder that is, I will think of you, mama. 
I know you are dancing.

church and choir and what I desire

HI. Long time no post.  Sorry.  I have been just dead dog ill for a month.  In the meantime, I have had a lot of time to think.  My life is too complicated.  I have to simplify. My ideal of that would be: don't go to work.  My mother in law would magically get better and not need help three times a week.  My kids would have no needs and just be loving and supportive at all times.  My siblings would be in perfect harmony and bliss.  Oh yeah, and my parents would be alive.
Then, if of the above things are in place and my health stops giving me hell, I would be the perfect Pflugerville to downtown driver and choir member.  I would participate in the life of my church and be a happy, well balanced human.
That is simply not happening at this point.  I am doing well to get to church services some of the time.
To be honest, this leaves a pretty big hole in my life.  But for now, it is a hole I have to fill with getting my life done and doing chores and grading and caring for elderly on Sunday.
My life is not all bad... by any means.   I have a lovely home, a nice job and superior children.  I even like my spouse 90% of the time.  The gifts and blessings are legion.  I just need to accept what is and quit fighting so hard.   I am perfectionist and life is not perfect.  Somehow or the other, I need to give the whole thing over to God and admit I am not in charge.
That is my prayer.

babies and the future

Mazel Tov.  My new great niece, Kyle Sarah Saltzman is a lovely young lady of 6 pounds.  I got to hold her and watch her sleep.  Babies are tiny buddhas.  They have the peace of God clinging all over them.  It was a joy to be with her and with my niece, Leah and her family.  Leah, eleven years my junior, is in many ways my little sister. 
I am so proud of her! 
Rock on, Leah and Sammy, Seth, Scotty and Kylie!
and Benny the Mutt and Bella and Smokey cat.
I know Maw Maw would be very proud.  Our kids are the future.  I hope they do as well and assume they will do better than my generation.