Hi, blogspot is doing some 'improvements" to their site so I needed to check in or get erased. Ha! I need to take the time to write a post anyway. I am currently counting down the days to my return to Mayo. I hate, hate, hate to go but I need to. I think many more of the puzzle pieces are in place now and I am hoping the drs at Mayo can help me put the picture together more fully. I managed to get a monster infection and that was kind of scary since I am off of my infusion treatments. That is one thing I want to discuss with the folks at Mayo.
So, the kids are ok. Samuel is a hormonal beast and goes between his happy go lucky self and raging teen in a minute: Lord help us to help him!
Stan's mom is dying, so that is hard.
A lot going on as usual. I will write more soon. Katie
Clinging
You won't drown.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Hallelujah
I posted on Facebook and sent out e-mails but I have to say it here: I have a little tumor!
It is a great thing because it is on my parathyroid. It COULD BE the key to most of my health issues. I do know it has been there for at least 6 years. The blood tests always showed it as a possibility but no one could find it.
On Thursday I went back to the endocrinologist for another check on the thing and the ultrasound tech found it.
I wept.
I am having it out on Tuesday. I'm counting the hours and minutes. Maybe this is my chance to get my old life back.
BUT no matter what happens, I know I am loved and I know there are always second and third chances for the children of God. We are never left in the cold to die: no matter how much it may feel that way.
Lord, I am grateful today. I pray that you are with me this week in a palpable way. Reach out to me through the hands of the surgeon and the staff that will care for me. Surround me, oh Lord, in your love and peace.
Amen.
It is a great thing because it is on my parathyroid. It COULD BE the key to most of my health issues. I do know it has been there for at least 6 years. The blood tests always showed it as a possibility but no one could find it.
On Thursday I went back to the endocrinologist for another check on the thing and the ultrasound tech found it.
I wept.
I am having it out on Tuesday. I'm counting the hours and minutes. Maybe this is my chance to get my old life back.
BUT no matter what happens, I know I am loved and I know there are always second and third chances for the children of God. We are never left in the cold to die: no matter how much it may feel that way.
Lord, I am grateful today. I pray that you are with me this week in a palpable way. Reach out to me through the hands of the surgeon and the staff that will care for me. Surround me, oh Lord, in your love and peace.
Amen.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
quickie uppie
Hi,
I have not been writing for awhile. I have been mired in my own shit. I looked back at my last couple of entries and have to say, Sorry!
Things are not much better but I am able to move around the house today and that just has to be enough.
I decided to reach out and do some volunteer service for a friend in need. It isn't much but I need to reach out beyond myself.
I hope anyone and everyone who reads this blog is doing well.
I am grateful for:
kids, husband, dogs, cat, bird (not so much).
family, friends, friends who are family
God is not going to give up on me, no matter how I behave. But, I will seek to do better and go beyond myself. I think it is the only way out.
I have not been writing for awhile. I have been mired in my own shit. I looked back at my last couple of entries and have to say, Sorry!
Things are not much better but I am able to move around the house today and that just has to be enough.
I decided to reach out and do some volunteer service for a friend in need. It isn't much but I need to reach out beyond myself.
I hope anyone and everyone who reads this blog is doing well.
I am grateful for:
kids, husband, dogs, cat, bird (not so much).
family, friends, friends who are family
God is not going to give up on me, no matter how I behave. But, I will seek to do better and go beyond myself. I think it is the only way out.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
humility, patience and faith are all fine virtues....
However, I am afraid I an not currently doing well on any of those. I am in the hospital for the second time in two weeks are.d I just want to get out and feel better. I have things to do other than sit here on my ass in pain.
It all started a week ago last Tuesday. I had a great day. I went to lunch with friends and we had stimulating conversation.
I went to the grocery store. I was ready for the kids when they got home. But, instead of staying on that curve of better health, I started barfing non stop. I kept at it for six hours before giving in and going to the little St.David's er they just opened in Pflugerville. I figured I would get fluid and go home. But no.... my liver enzymes were extremely high and they transported my via paddy wagon to North Austin Medical. I was there three days and improving so I went home on Friday.
By Monday I was sick again and on Tuesday I saw the GI doc for follow up. He said, "back you go... through er and then probably another check in."
So, here it is, Thursday and I'm waiting to be taken downstairs for an endoscopy. The dr. seems to think I have a 'simple' case of lupus flare in my abdomen. I'm not so sure so I asked him to take look. He will probably tell me it is irritated and to go home. I know something is up but whatever.
I am just homesick and depressed and I feel very guilty for putting my family through so much.
Stan is very depressed. His mom is deteriorating at the nursing home and he is at his wits" end.
I just think God needs to let up on us a bit. I mean WTF? God, Universe, Whatever You Are, get with the program here.
I know these are selfish things for me to say but I feel selfish just now. WTF?
It all started a week ago last Tuesday. I had a great day. I went to lunch with friends and we had stimulating conversation.
I went to the grocery store. I was ready for the kids when they got home. But, instead of staying on that curve of better health, I started barfing non stop. I kept at it for six hours before giving in and going to the little St.David's er they just opened in Pflugerville. I figured I would get fluid and go home. But no.... my liver enzymes were extremely high and they transported my via paddy wagon to North Austin Medical. I was there three days and improving so I went home on Friday.
By Monday I was sick again and on Tuesday I saw the GI doc for follow up. He said, "back you go... through er and then probably another check in."
So, here it is, Thursday and I'm waiting to be taken downstairs for an endoscopy. The dr. seems to think I have a 'simple' case of lupus flare in my abdomen. I'm not so sure so I asked him to take look. He will probably tell me it is irritated and to go home. I know something is up but whatever.
I am just homesick and depressed and I feel very guilty for putting my family through so much.
Stan is very depressed. His mom is deteriorating at the nursing home and he is at his wits" end.
I just think God needs to let up on us a bit. I mean WTF? God, Universe, Whatever You Are, get with the program here.
I know these are selfish things for me to say but I feel selfish just now. WTF?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Lots to convey but I am so tired.
Today we settled on the nursing home for my MOT. It is not the one we planned on but the other place turned at to be awful and concerned about having their beds filled with rehab. and could not accommodate a move date. They were real assholes. Hopefully this thing will work out fine. It is the one where Allie just went for her rehab and is just close by to us all. Helping Kathryn to pack was awful . I don't think we can go through this again. I hope it is the last move for her. She cried and was scared to bathe because the 'boys' were watching so I told her I would keep her safe and bathed her. Stan was useless.
Allie is at least back in her apartment so that is something. I booked a three night getaway for us. WE hare headed off the grid.
wonder what Kathryn's prognosis is at this point. Probably not great. I'm depressed. I feel like there is this long, long tunnel and we never seems to get out. Maybe there were will light on Friday. I hope so. Stan is so dejected that it scares me. I think he needs but that will be up to him. At least he is seeing a therapist. No I have to find one!
Allie is at least back in her apartment so that is something. I booked a three night getaway for us. WE hare headed off the grid.
wonder what Kathryn's prognosis is at this point. Probably not great. I'm depressed. I feel like there is this long, long tunnel and we never seems to get out. Maybe there were will light on Friday. I hope so. Stan is so dejected that it scares me. I think he needs but that will be up to him. At least he is seeing a therapist. No I have to find one!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas eve in elderly ville
I am trying to be grateful. I am grateful.
My children are healthy and home. My husband is off of work. We have presents under the tree and will go to our lovely church service tonight and share dinner with our best friends. But, I'm angry and I'm tired and I want someone to come take all the responsibility off of our shoulders. My aunt broke her hip at Thanksgiving and was misdiagnosed until a week ago. She had surgery this week and is now in rehab. My mother in law is a horrible, sick, lonely, sad, on her way to the nursing home person. We have to move her from her assisted living this week and into the nursing home. She is upset about it and I understand that but she thinks she is the only person in the universe.
How long do we serve? I know that what we are doing (without any help from family) is what God intended for us... to serve and honor our elders. But, I am worn out from my own illness and just wanted to have a break.
I am angry (still) at my sister in law for abandoning her mom three years ago. I realize she must live in her own kind of hell but still, it hurts.
I miss my parents. Oh God, I miss my parents. My mom always brought joy and laughter and my dad was always my rock solid support.
I have to turn this thing around. I have to let God do God's will in all of this. Blessed Lord, take this burden off of my shoulders, I cannot carry it. I have to let it go, first. I am weak and I am weary and I lay myself down at Your feet.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of your Son. It is the only way I understand God, this Son. He is hope and promise and he is light and life, reborn this night. Give me the strength to gather with the cold and lonely and grieved around the light that burns in the stable. Let that light and love pour through me and onto to those who cannot find Him at all.
Amen.
My children are healthy and home. My husband is off of work. We have presents under the tree and will go to our lovely church service tonight and share dinner with our best friends. But, I'm angry and I'm tired and I want someone to come take all the responsibility off of our shoulders. My aunt broke her hip at Thanksgiving and was misdiagnosed until a week ago. She had surgery this week and is now in rehab. My mother in law is a horrible, sick, lonely, sad, on her way to the nursing home person. We have to move her from her assisted living this week and into the nursing home. She is upset about it and I understand that but she thinks she is the only person in the universe.
How long do we serve? I know that what we are doing (without any help from family) is what God intended for us... to serve and honor our elders. But, I am worn out from my own illness and just wanted to have a break.
I am angry (still) at my sister in law for abandoning her mom three years ago. I realize she must live in her own kind of hell but still, it hurts.
I miss my parents. Oh God, I miss my parents. My mom always brought joy and laughter and my dad was always my rock solid support.
I have to turn this thing around. I have to let God do God's will in all of this. Blessed Lord, take this burden off of my shoulders, I cannot carry it. I have to let it go, first. I am weak and I am weary and I lay myself down at Your feet.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of your Son. It is the only way I understand God, this Son. He is hope and promise and he is light and life, reborn this night. Give me the strength to gather with the cold and lonely and grieved around the light that burns in the stable. Let that light and love pour through me and onto to those who cannot find Him at all.
Amen.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
It's that time of year, when all the holiday cheer makes me wanna sing and tear my hair out.
This is the first Christmas season even that I have identified so strongly with Old Ebeneezer Scrouge:
BAH HUMBUG.
I am looking forward to a few quiet days with my family and I am dreading the responsibilities I have to the elderly amongst us. I realize that my ministry and my desire to be feed spiritually are two different things. However, I also believe there time when you must simply bow your head and take to the task at hand. Even if it is very difficult.
The week of Christmas we will move my MIL to nursing home here in Pflugerville. She if very freaked out about it all and calls to cry. I feel bad but this is just what we have to do now. She cannot care for herself and her money for assisted living is almost gone. We have to find a place that will transition her to medicaid. I think this place will be fine.
My aunt, on the other hand, has a broken hip compliments of Rufus the big red dog. She was misdiagnosed for two weeks and finally I took her the ER on Wednesday and we sat there until they listened. They did an MRI and guess what? She has a broken damned hip. So, tomorrow she should be released to the rehab center that is over on Heatherwilde. We will have to keep an eye on her care level there.
And then, I ITCH. am having horrible rashes and the doctor in er this morning just grunted and handed me prednisone.He was awful. Here is it, night time again and my arms are on fire. I wish I could say I glow with the Spirit in my but actually, I think it's vaseline
BAH HUMBUG.
I am looking forward to a few quiet days with my family and I am dreading the responsibilities I have to the elderly amongst us. I realize that my ministry and my desire to be feed spiritually are two different things. However, I also believe there time when you must simply bow your head and take to the task at hand. Even if it is very difficult.
The week of Christmas we will move my MIL to nursing home here in Pflugerville. She if very freaked out about it all and calls to cry. I feel bad but this is just what we have to do now. She cannot care for herself and her money for assisted living is almost gone. We have to find a place that will transition her to medicaid. I think this place will be fine.
My aunt, on the other hand, has a broken hip compliments of Rufus the big red dog. She was misdiagnosed for two weeks and finally I took her the ER on Wednesday and we sat there until they listened. They did an MRI and guess what? She has a broken damned hip. So, tomorrow she should be released to the rehab center that is over on Heatherwilde. We will have to keep an eye on her care level there.
And then, I ITCH. am having horrible rashes and the doctor in er this morning just grunted and handed me prednisone.He was awful. Here is it, night time again and my arms are on fire. I wish I could say I glow with the Spirit in my but actually, I think it's vaseline
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