Wow, time is flying and I am crawling on through

I have been trying to hold it all together.  I lose sleep and that causes worse pain and then I sleep and I wake up feeling great so I over do.  This means, essentially, that the whole cycle repeats.  I am beginning to think of myself as a rodent on an exercise wheel.  I can only make it go slowly and efficiently.  If I try to jump off the wheel and do something different, I will find myself flat on my back, unable to turn over and too weak to climb back on the wheel.  My whole goal needs to be stay on that wheel and move it around and pretend I am doing my life.  ,,
Life as I once knew it; is gone.  However, I don't have to give in.  I just need to get friendly with the new dimensions in which I have found myself.  My cage is smaller.  There are fewer exits and not a lot of snacks.  I would love so invite someone over to help me with my Katie sized rodent wheel.  Unfortunately, they are all busy on their own wheels of motion.  So the question becomes... to what end and I trying so hard for?   I need to just be grateful for the days when I can climb on and make the whole thing go. Only then can I look around at the wheels of others and then, despite our differences, we can shout out encouragement to one another.

sleepless in Pflugerville again

I have been having strange sleep patterns, to say the least.  Over the weekend I slept so much between  panattack and went to the er on advice of the shrink on call. They gave me metric buttloads of ativan.  I guess that with the combo I had during infusion did me in.  I slept all day and all night Saturday and Sunday.  This morning, Monday, it was hard to get up.  I finally got moving and took the kids to the dentist and got costumed for Elizabeth and Chris' party.  It wan an interesting diversion and now I am up all night again and I have teach tomorrow.  This sucks.  I've taken all the pills.  Something is going wrong here.  Now I'm feeling nervous again.  I need to get to work and keep my classes going.  I need to clean this house up and take care of the people and animals.   I feel overwhelmed.  Perhaps that was why I slept.  It was escape.  I can't do that now.  I hope I'm good to drive to school.  This work thing is getting me way down.   What to do?