tough days

Well, yesterday I had my immune system infusion and it did not go well.  I feel pretty badly today and just want to stay curled up in a ball.  It is so hard for Stan when I am like this.  I know it is hard for the kids too.  I just freeze. 

I hate my health and my issues.  I wish I were someone else.  I know that is stupid, though.  A lot of people have it way worse than me.  I just have days like these when I feel sort of alone and detached.  I'm sure I am unpleasant to be around. 
Lord give me patience to do the next right thing.  Should I go to the doctor?  Do I have a sinus infection?  Why do I hurt so badly?

I need to work and earn a living.  Having two jobs just now is a little confusing.  I am ready to have just one job at athletics if they will take me.  I will miss St. Ed's horribly if I leave but it seems like the hand writing is on the wall there.  I am grateful I seem to have an alternative. 
And yet, what about this failing, crappy body of mine?  Will it let me work and care for this family?  I have to. There is no choice in the matter.  I just have to pull myself together and paste on a smile.  Today is just a tough day.  I am sure tomorrow will be better.