I am trying to be grateful. I am grateful.
My children are healthy and home. My husband is off of work. We have presents under the tree and will go to our lovely church service tonight and share dinner with our best friends. But, I'm angry and I'm tired and I want someone to come take all the responsibility off of our shoulders. My aunt broke her hip at Thanksgiving and was misdiagnosed until a week ago. She had surgery this week and is now in rehab. My mother in law is a horrible, sick, lonely, sad, on her way to the nursing home person. We have to move her from her assisted living this week and into the nursing home. She is upset about it and I understand that but she thinks she is the only person in the universe.
How long do we serve? I know that what we are doing (without any help from family) is what God intended for us... to serve and honor our elders. But, I am worn out from my own illness and just wanted to have a break.
I am angry (still) at my sister in law for abandoning her mom three years ago. I realize she must live in her own kind of hell but still, it hurts.
I miss my parents. Oh God, I miss my parents. My mom always brought joy and laughter and my dad was always my rock solid support.
I have to turn this thing around. I have to let God do God's will in all of this. Blessed Lord, take this burden off of my shoulders, I cannot carry it. I have to let it go, first. I am weak and I am weary and I lay myself down at Your feet.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of your Son. It is the only way I understand God, this Son. He is hope and promise and he is light and life, reborn this night. Give me the strength to gather with the cold and lonely and grieved around the light that burns in the stable. Let that light and love pour through me and onto to those who cannot find Him at all.
Amen.
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