HI. Long time no post. Sorry. I have been just dead dog ill for a month. In the meantime, I have had a lot of time to think. My life is too complicated. I have to simplify. My ideal of that would be: don't go to work. My mother in law would magically get better and not need help three times a week. My kids would have no needs and just be loving and supportive at all times. My siblings would be in perfect harmony and bliss. Oh yeah, and my parents would be alive.
Then, if of the above things are in place and my health stops giving me hell, I would be the perfect Pflugerville to downtown driver and choir member. I would participate in the life of my church and be a happy, well balanced human.
That is simply not happening at this point. I am doing well to get to church services some of the time.
To be honest, this leaves a pretty big hole in my life. But for now, it is a hole I have to fill with getting my life done and doing chores and grading and caring for elderly on Sunday.
My life is not all bad... by any means. I have a lovely home, a nice job and superior children. I even like my spouse 90% of the time. The gifts and blessings are legion. I just need to accept what is and quit fighting so hard. I am perfectionist and life is not perfect. Somehow or the other, I need to give the whole thing over to God and admit I am not in charge.
That is my prayer.
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